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Self-explanatory. --- Consider him a MasterCard bill, because the credit is due --- Have you ever seen such a thorough evisceration outside of a slaughterhouse? On the field, the Bufflao Bills played with more apathy than high school seniors the Friday before graduation. That lack of effort carried over to the Southtowns Clowns, who may have suffered the worst loss in the history of fantasy football. It certainly didn’t help that both the Bills and Clowns had to face Drew Brees and Mark Ingram. But who would’ve figured the Saints would’ve gone to a ground-and-pound gameplan to dispose of Buffalo like a bag full of dog poop? Ingram’s 131 yards and three touchdowns were more than enough to beat the Bills on his own. Overall, New Orleans outgained Buffalo 482 yards to 198, had triple the amount of first downs (32 to 10) and only allowed a garbage-time touchdown to the backups after Sean McDermott finally pulled his starters. --- Clownin’ around --- The onl...

You all saw the egg the Bills laid on Thursday night. Well it didn’t do the Southtowns Clowns any favors either. In fact, the two garbage time touchdowns nearly doubled their point total as it stood halfway through the fourth quarter. --- Losers keep their mouths shut --- I can’t even rag on the Gohawks because the Clowns were absolutely pathetic. The only dumb thing he did was leave Sebastian Janikowski in while the Raiders have him placed on IR. Even with quiet days from Jimmy Graham, DeSean Jackson, and Devonta Freeman, he still managed to bludgeon Southtowns. --- Clownin’ around --- Ugh. More turnovers than an Arby’s commercial. More meaningless scoring than a game of solitaire. The Jets D shut down the ground game like a January blizzard shuts down the Thruway in Buffalo. The only receiver who did anything noteworthy wound up getting hurt in the first game he was actually impactful in. --- Reaction in a gif --- [ERROR 716: Extensi...

After a blowout loss in Week Six , fans of the Clowns hoped the team would find a way to get back in the win column and reverse the misfortune that seemed to be swirling around it. However, it seems those wishes will be put on hold until at least Thursday, as another slim loss sank Southtowns to 2-6 on the season. --- Lame name, big game --- Jaden Hayes’ Team 1 managed to top the Clowns count by the time the Bills closed out their win over Oakland (!), so the five-point margin can certainly widen if C.J. Anderson has a big game for the Broncos in Kansas City tonight. But either way, the result is pretty much sealed, unless Anderson runs backwards all night and goes into the red. Carson Wentz, blah blah blah. Jake Elliott, blah blah blah. Eagles win and have the best record in the league, blah blah blah. I asked her her name, she said blah blah blah. I could’ve seen this one coming a mile away if I was blindfolded and had my head buried in the ground like an ostrich (un...

WELP. That sucks. --- More like the Suck-aneers --- If I had bothered to pay any attention to this game even an hour before kickoff, I could’ve seen that I was going to be having a really good day or a really awful one. If the Bills played well, the Clowns would have too. And while the Bills did squeak out a win, it wasn’t good enough. Jameis had himself a GAME (minus the two turnovers). His first half numbers were off the charts. He almost had 400 yards passing – and could have if he didn’t have that interception. That being said, the Bucs still lost. The only time Jay Ajayi is a threat is when he’s playing against Buffalo. Muck ‘em. Brett Hundley did all the running himself for the Packers so Ty Montgomery was a non-factor. Doug Martin was nearly invisible. Cameron Brate was wearing a jersey. But Mike Evans scored once. That being said, the Bucs still lost. --- Clownin’ around --- Coming out of a bye week, the Clowns had to regroup after b...

It was bound to happen eventually. The Bills would lose a close one they could’ve should’ve won, and it would sink my Clowns in the process. Well folks, yesterday the day finally came. Buffalo frittered away a game to the Bengals, 20-16, and mistakes with their calls – as well as my own – gifted the stupid Miami Ballers their first win of the season. --- Muck Fiami --- Eli Manning outplayed Tyrod Taylor. DeMarco Murray didn’t do anything notable, and was negative in points for a good chunk of the first half. No player besides Eli Manning finished in double digits. They combined for 58.8 points. And they won. Thuck fat. --- Clownin’ around --- Call it Clownin’ around or Shaqtin' a Fool, it was clear that the pitiful play in the second half was a joke. Tyrod sealed the win with a Fitzpatrick-like interception. Shady still doesn’t have a rushing touchdown this year. Zay Jones’ best catch happened when he was out of bounds. Char...

It’s the most ludicrous thing you can say about sports. That an athlete or a team’s inability to perform well is somehow detrimental to the status of your fantasy team. Athletes are meant to play – well or poorly – in the real world, not on your computer screen. Yet, every week, unhappy fantasy owners tweet at these players who let them down, and sometimes get an earful in return . So no, I’m not upset that the Chiefs defense allowed Terrelle Pryor to score his first touchdown of the year and cost me the game, because the Bills actually won and that’s honestly all that matters. I’m just a little bummed that I went into Monday night leading by 11.2 points and wound up losing by 1.8. Whether it’s fantasy or real life, not being able to hold onto a manageable lead never fails to hurt. --- Blue Monday --- Knowing I was going up against Aaron Rodgers meant I had my work cut out for me. Despite throwing for less than 300 yards for the first time all season, he balanced that ...

I think I’m just as shocked as you are, but the Clowns managed to weasel their way to victory over the ALB Men of Mayhem by 5.2 points. It was the team’s second win of the season, bumping their record to 2-1 overall. --- Pregame politics --- After Donald Trump made headlines on Friday , and Saturday , and Sunday decrying NFL players who kneel or sit for the national anthem, tension was high at One Clowns Circle and across the league. After an emotionally-charged, late-night team meeting Saturday, players, coaches, and management felt it prudent to voice their displeasure at such abrasive and abusive comments from the president. After management released a brief statement of support for the players on Twitter prior to kickoff on Sunday, Several players knelt or stood with their arms linked to demonstrate that they supported the fight against racially-based injustice in the criminal justice system. And then they played football. --- An over-performing bench ---...

Yesterday was brutal. Not because of fantasy football. Forget fantasy football. Fantasy football is dumb. Yesterday was brutal because the Bills played TERRIBLY. Hold that thought. The Bills offense played TERRIBLY. The defense was stellar and the special teams rocked it. But when the Bills had possession, it was awful. Now, back to fantasy. Prior to the season, I planned to save my recaps until all of my opponent's players had played, but it seems pretty pointless to wait until Wednesday to vent when I can join the crowd today. Besides, there’s no way possible way for Odell Beckham to record 60 negative fantasy points if he played the Lions all by himself, even if he played on his bad ankle. And even if OBJ doesn’t play tonight and Richers Ravens takes a zero next to his name, there’s no way for the Clowns to recover. --- Quoth the Raven, “Let me score.” --- Not much to say here, except credit where credit is due. The guy left 52 points on the ...