The Southtowns Clowns are ready to shock the world


I forgot the jump drive with today’s article in yesterday’s pants, so my first thought was to bump up tomorrow’s article to today. But then I did an initial Google search only to find out some radio stations actually do end in an even-numbered decimal point (the only one I’d ever heard of was 98.6 KXLA from the all-time classic Joe Dirt). As such, I had to scramble for something new. So I decided to create a fantasy football team.

As most of you know, I’m not a big fantasy sports guy. My biggest hangup with it is that I could be talking to the biggest Bills fan at my local Tim Hortons, but if he thinks Tom Brady is going to hang 250 yards and three touchdowns on them twice a year, he could be all for TB12 if it helps his fantasy team win. I’m not about that. I once bought a Tom Brady jersey at Goodwill that I’m saving for his retirement party, but it’s not because I like the guy. As a Bills fan, the only way I would participate in fantasy football is to draft my squad entirely from the locker room at One Bills Drive. And that’s how my roster wound up like this:

Despite what ESPN may say, Anquan Boldin and Rod Streater are actually Buffalo Bills.

I will not be carrying any players not on the Bills’ roster. If a player gets cut or traded by Brandon Beane, he will feel the burn yet again after I let him go. Conversely, new acquisitions are welcome to join the Southtowns Clowns. This is a random, 10-team, 13-week, standard scoring league I jumped into on ESPN. And I sat/started the players based on the Bills’ most recent team depth chart.

I’ve experimented with this once before, in the Kyle Orton season of 2014. I lost more games than I won, but I didn’t finish last in my league, so I’m looking to do the same thing here. Except I’ll be documenting it week-by-week until the fantasy season is over.

And lastly, I’d like to be the first to congratulate Cedric Hoehn, the owner of Team 4 (great name, by the way), on his week six victory. What is actually one of the Clowns' most winnable games will be the undoing of a perfect season because of the Bills’ by week.


Editor's Note: Matt Birt is a former Buffalo Bills employee and possibly a future one as well. 

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