Dismembered Coco Crisp still enjoys the finer things in life

Although I’ve never experienced it myself, I’d imagine being decapitated and losing an arm is extremely unpleasant. Sure, you’d be able to say funny things like, “Could you give me a hand?” and people would laugh, but on the whole I assume it would be a pretty negative experience. And yet, looking at this Coco Crisp gnome, I’m not completely certain it would be such a bad thing:

That there is a man who is literally laughing in the face of true adversity. Of course, he’s probably dealt with his share of coaches yelling at him to “get his head in the game,” which I’m sure grows irritating after a while. And are we even sure that’s a baseball bat? Because he looks like a regular Henry VIII with a succulent turkey leg. I mean, it makes perfect sense. Without his stomach attached, there is no longer a negative Nancy telling Coco when he is or isn’t full. He’s free to scarf down as much tasty grub as he’d like without ever having to worry about it going to his gut or his thighs.

If the day ever comes where my head is chopped off or I lose an arm to a mannequin that comes to life and wants to replace theirs with one that has some color and definition, I now know I can still live a bountiful life thanks to Coco Crisp.

P.S. All this talk about a gnome has me singing

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